Deer Hoof Lamp

Vince Ynzunza

I used to work at Value Village in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle, WA – the three-story building was formerly used by REI (the world’s premiere outdoor gear store) up until the early 90’s and still stank of heavy creosote and adrenaline. This joint was a magnet for refuse – broken toasters, used underwear, Commodore computer systems and Sing A-Long With Mitch albums came and went through the front doors like familiar relatives. But once in a great while a real treasure would be dropped off – and I managed to get my hands on a few of them. One fond item that immediately comes to mind was this totally fab Mao Tse Tung cigarette lighter – it was bright red with a classic portrait of Chairman Mao in the center and when I would summon the flame, it would light up and play the National Anthem of the People’s Republic of China! Unfortunately, some foul commie stole it during a party at my apartment a few months later – I’m pretty sure I know who took it but now is not the time or the place for accusations.

Throughout my career as Cashier and Operations Assistant, I snagged a few more beautiful items; various Southern Baptist floral grandmother hats, a John Cage cassette, groovy threads and whatnot – but the Holy Grail of finds came one day as I was unloading the donation cart; a near immaculate piece of household taxidermy! It was a working lamp whose base was comprised of four beautiful deer legs, bound in the center by two golden metal bands. While the base of the lamp was in perfect condition, the light-bulb base itself was in need of some repair – fortunately, Value Village’s popular security guard and Vietnam Veteran, William Koerber was there to assist. During my lunch break, we both went to the basement and dismantled another lamp and attached its functional light-bulb base to my Deer Hoof Lamp. It was complete! That was about 4 years ago and I still have this wonderful item – but I have yet to find an adequate lampshade. While I have come across many decorative and useful shades since then, none have proved quite worthy enough to adorn this treasure. I need a Bambi Lampshade – nothing else will do. I implore anyone who is reading this to keep your eyes open! If you locate such a lampshade, please e-mail me at vince_verbatim@hotmail.com

Some people have expressed discomfort upon seeing my Deer Hoof Lamp. But I just laugh at them. While I’ve never been a hunter, I’ve always admired the art of death – the craftsmanship that goes into manipulating a carcass into a functional piece of household brilliance is a skill that belongs within the highest echelon of American ingenuity. Such a trade goes far beyond the mere realm of fur coats and mink scarves – by utilizing the remnants of these beasts in our daily lives, the deceased creature is actually paid a tribute – it lives on through us! As I stroke the smooth hair of my Deer Hoof Lamp, I can almost sense the former life of this majestic Cervidae as it leaped through forests and across highways, as it nibbled at indigenous berries and cautiously froze at the faint sound of a rifle cocking. Sometimes, I can even feel its soul - as soft as a warm light washing over the darkness of my room. I love it - and I know it loves me.



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